If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
