i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize