I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
