Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
