So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
