I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and she was petting her beer can
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
