'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
