it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
