He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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