you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
