party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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