So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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