At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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