I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
