so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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