i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
