Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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