Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im holly from the hills drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
