I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
