masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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