UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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