I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
