his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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