Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
