she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
