mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
