Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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