i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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