just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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