Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
