drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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