do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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