I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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