i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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