How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
