im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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