I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
