My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
