Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
