A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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