wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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