winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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