I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
