I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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