so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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