This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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