So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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