Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
