you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Couch. On fire.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
