I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
