you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
