every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
