he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.