If that was your dad, he is hot
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.