Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming