can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA