My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it