i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.