I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
