My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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