Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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