Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man

  (206): View more from Washington

  ?

  (360): View more from Washington

  he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!

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  (360): i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man (206): ? (360): he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH! http://tfl.nu/k0fi
  Replies (27) Good night (4161) Bad night (778)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

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  (214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night. http://tfl.nu/bjzh
  Replies (20) Good night (6920) Bad night (1107)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.

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  (203): We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad. http://tfl.nu/dqqr
  Replies (23) Good night (4375) Bad night (1402)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

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  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
  Replies (41) Good night (7663) Bad night (2224)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.

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  (720): I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like. http://tfl.nu/6yf0
  Replies (5) Good night (1583) Bad night (1100)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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  (603): In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it http://tfl.nu/f0et
  Replies (8) Good night (1221) Bad night (3055)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2798) Bad night (924)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub

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  (410): In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub http://tfl.nu/jeln
  Replies (5) Good night (2126) Bad night (740)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.

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  (718): He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head. http://tfl.nu/789t
  Replies (12) Good night (2915) Bad night (997)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.

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  (781): Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave. http://tfl.nu/vplg
  Replies (21) Good night (802) Bad night (5656)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

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  (918): He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it. http://tfl.nu/hmj1
  Replies (6) Good night (650) Bad night (1941)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.

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  (563): I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan. http://tfl.nu/gr04
  Replies (10) Good night (2203) Bad night (714)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
  Replies (12) Good night (1401) Bad night (379)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.

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  (305): We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/a50c
  Replies (3) Good night (674) Bad night (312)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"

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  (469): words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you" http://tfl.nu/m5ga
  Replies (3) Good night (301) Bad night (458)

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