everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dating After Heartbreak
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.