I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.