Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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