I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?