Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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