wat bout pragnant strippers??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
