and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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