Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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