a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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