Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
