you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
