his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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