He asked to "fluff my boner.."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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