Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
