Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
