He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
