I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
