If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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