my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
