being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
