your parents love me but you hate me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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