Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
