if i died would you start the facebook group?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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