I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
