Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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