i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
