I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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