come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
