Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
