I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
