I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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