Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize