I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
