I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
