Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
