My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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