We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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