Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
